Mesmerizing after a while

I cannot reflect upon that which has not yet happened in my life. But I think that the tragedy of living is being forced to imagine something that will never happen. Of course, it is also a lie to think that things that we see are merely illusion. It surely did occur somewhere, and to someone of course.Of course, and I have said this before, that which matters more are the small details. The warm cup of tea and how it feels against your palm, finding the most comfortable contours of your bed, or even the sweet smell of a shirt worn after a warm breezy day. These are the things that seem most illusory to people. That they fade away so quickly seems cruel.


When I think about Killer of Sheep, I am reminded how people think of realist art as beautiful, and that this picture is exemplary of true urban expression. I have no such delusions about this film. It is full of anxiety, depression, and depravity. But it is such an incredible example of the depths of humanity intermixed with tragedy, that we forget that it did exist in some form, to someone, somewhere. It happened and it was not artistic, nor was it beautiful at the time.


The ins and outs of the day to day cake retirement parties are making me feel unsatisfied. If the careful planning of dinosaurs and elephants could not help them, how could I possibly circumvent the lame and inexcusable?



Once they had me think of a future that I would have always wanted. When I received that future, packaged and delivered, marked post haste, I thought, "Thank god that's over with now."